She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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