remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
