If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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