can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
