Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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