i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
