just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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