They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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