He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
