I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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