dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
