when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Green mimosas i think yes
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
