woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
