Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it

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(949): View more from California

the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter

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(708): View more from Illinois

he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.

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(937): View more from Ohio

The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve

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(971): View more from Oregon

you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON

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(250): View more from British Columbia

What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?

(250): View more from British Columbia

coat checked

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore

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