don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
