Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
