the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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