i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
