For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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