Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
