The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize