I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
