how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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