If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
