how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
