I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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