3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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