We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
