HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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