is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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