plz talk dirty to me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need a beard to bite.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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