I wish I only lived at night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
