Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
