I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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