Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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