do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
