My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
