Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
