part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
