I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Come see our sink grown plant.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
