I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize