I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
