If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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