I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
