I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
