There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
