I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
