captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
