She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he fucked my hip out of place.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Boobs speak an international language.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
