why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
