I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
