I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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