That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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