I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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