im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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