Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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