i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
