he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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