Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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