I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
