Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I believe in your delicious
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
