made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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