capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
