Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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