so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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