if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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