we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
