I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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