Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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